Saturday, February 26, 2011

When The World Gets In Your Way

Today was a wonderful day spent with Zoom. I get Saturdays with him all by myself, since his dad has an unusual schedule. It's neat for Zoom because he gets a special day on Thursdays with Dad, and then another day alone with just Mom on Saturday. Sunday is our family day.

Zoom has become a laughing, funny baby. He amuses himself easily, often laughing away on his play mat as he bats at toys. It's amazing to see him change. It's also amazing to see his face light up when his Daddy comes home.

I can't say that we did that much. Laundry. I sorted out some of the spices in the kitchen (get ready for a thrilling before and after, folks). I read a lot about my Blogging Your Way course. And I tried to rest up because Zoom was nice enough to give me his cold.

I was listening to music today on Pandora, and out of nowhere came the Goo Goo Dolls Acoustic #3. It was a song I hadn't heard in ages, and yet as the music started, it took me back to the time that the album came out.

Today the lines of "I wonder where all these dreams go when the world gets in your way" struck me. I feel like I'm in the middle of figuring out "what's next" in my life. Zoom's arrival has made me rethink everything.

I used to work in advertising and the hours were long. I made the decision to leave that world when my maternity leave was up. I weighed the pros and cons and took a freelance gig at a credit union. My boss is an old friend. The work is interesting and straight forward. And I'd be lying if I didn't admit it thrills me that I can be at day care by about 5:00 every day to pick up my little boy.

So what is next? I'm hoping this time out of advertising will help. I am hoping that taking the Blogging course will shine some light on that. I'm going to be listening to my heart, and I have to say that I'm already so happy that I have a beacon of what is True North. And he's the sweetest boy you'll ever meet.


Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The Breath of Life, the Wisdom of Ruah

Nothing in this world could have prepared me for what it would be like to carry little Zoom. For me, pregnancy was a beautiful spiritual dance. Two souls sharing the same space, the same life, the same energy for a brief period of time. One of the things that struck me very profoundly was that as I carried him during those nine months, I was his breath. Each breath gave him life, allowed him to grow, brought him one moment closer to being able to support his own life. Before he was even born I considered it a deep honor to be his mother, and I was completely humbled by being allowed to participate in the creation of another life.

"The Spirit of God has made me; the breath of the Almighty gives me Life." - Job 33:4

Sometimes, just sitting, I found myself thinking about breath. In Hebrew, the word for breath is the same as Spirit, it's Ruah. So long ago, people understood that it was breath that brought them life, that brought them spirit. They also understood that Spirit was one in the same with God. In simple terms, breath equated to life which equated to God. It is only by God's granting us spirit that we are each alive.

"the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his
nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being..." Genesis 2:7

Labor was not easy for Zoom and I. At about 54 hours in, our doctor let us know that it was in our best interest to have a Cesarean section. While not my first choice, it was not really about me. Zoom needed to come on out, and so we headed to the operating room.

After he was born, the nurses brought Zoom to me and I held him, fed him, took delight in his tiny-ness. As we were passing him around, one of the nurses noticed he was having a very hard time breathing. His nostrils flared, his chest sunk in, he was battling to draw air.

And all at once, Zoom was taken away to the NICU and admitted for having respiratory issues, TNN to be exact. It was suddenly all too real that as his mother, as the one who had given him physical breath for the first nine months of his life, I could no longer provide him what he needed. Instead, I had to look deeper, and take heart in the wisdom of Ruah.

Understanding and reflecting on Ruah led me to realize that not only did God form him, giving his body life and spirit, but now that Zoom had entered this world, God would continue to provide him with Life and Spirit. As I'd realized over the last nine months, Breath equated to life which equated to God. I could no longer provide Zoom with breath, or physically protect him from everything in this world. Zoom and I were both on the threshold of new roles, those of mother and son. In these early moments I was already learning to rest in the faith that God would provide, as He always has, for both of us. And every day since I have leaned on God to continue to guide us.

"We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us." 1 Corinthians 2:12

Monday, February 21, 2011

Introducing Little Mister Zoom

I've gone a little quiet here, and yet there's so much to share. The last year has been amazing!

So really, without further adieu, I'd like to introduce my son. For the sake of fun and privacy, I'll call him by one of his nicknames ... Mr. Zoom (or probably just Zoom). He was born September 10, at 6 pounds and 3 ounces. The labor wasn't an easy one (56 hours!) and after a C-section, he was hospitalized for 6 days. We went home without him, which was possibly the saddest thing I have ever done. He's fine now, though, and as healthy as a horse (well, mostly, he does have a cold right now).

Zoom by Debra Zeller

This photo of him is from November, when he was about two months old. It's definitely one of my favorites, taken by Debra Zeller, a wonderful local photographer.

I've signed up to take the Blogging Your Way e-course from Decor8. I'm hoping to learn a lot, and hopefully I'll have time to keep up and keep posting. I'll admit, it's a lot of work taking care of a 5 month old. He's a bundle of fun and the joy of our lives as well.

In other exciting Welcoming Spirit type news, I've received an advance copy of Bart Ehrman's upcoming book, "Forged: Writing in the Name of God--Why the Bible's Authors Are Not Who We Think They Are" I've only read the introduction, but in this book, he's exploring the possible authors of the New Testament. His departure point is that some of it is a forgery, and not written by who we originally thought wrote it. It promises to be a controversial book. At least for now, I am intrigued because for me its not so much WHO wrote the books, but what they have to say about the person of Jesus. I really can't wait to talk about it more!